Stratford One in the Clear

‘It wasn’t me Guv’ says M P.

Top Tory no Traitor.

Identified by a number of major newspapers this week as the man behind a plot to oust Duncan Iain Smith as leader of the troubled Conservative party, MP for Stratford upon Avon John Maples declared himself in the clear after a meeting with the Conservative Whip David Maclean.
Smiling confidently the MP for Shakespeare’s home town said, ‘I told him I ain’t dun nuffink and I reckon he believed me. I told him straight didn’t I? I said, what do you take me for? There is no plot or organisation or conspiracy’. I fink it went well. Now all I want to do is spend more time with my family.’

Stratford resident and self-declared spokesman for Conservative voters everywhere Mr Ron Liar said today….’How a man with such a neat haircut could be labelled traitor I do not know. John hasn’t got a bad bone in his body. Anyway, I’m off to the pub where I shall drink myself under the table. Afterwards…we’ll celebrate’.